I feel like throwing in the towel. It's only 1:30 and I have already had a pretty crappy day. My hubby's unemployment check didn't come. I don't have all the rent money. Satellite company put hold on my checking account and now its overdrawn and they claim they can't do anything. Fidget's preschool bus was not running today, it was self transport, they called after I woke her and I couldn't take her. Didn't want to wake minnie me up to do that. I just feel like not doing absolutely anything. Oh hubbys work that he worked at for 4 days was supposed to pay him today. I don't have that either. I am just going to sulk and cry because at this moment If eel I deserve it.
I am the glue that holds this family together...I find every one's missing things or know right where they are even though I know I didn't have them. Why am I to remember all that? I am the one who washes every ones clothes when they need them. I am the one who goes searching in teenage daughters room for clothes at the last minute that you had told her to hang up a week ago. I budget the family household income. I plan the schedules. I play taxi and secretary. I deserve to cry when no one else is there to pick me up when i fall.
Sorry if this is depressing...I just needed to vent.
Oh and Have a Happy Thanksgivign Day tomorrow!

I was hit hard by some more reality this weekend. I have taken awhile to think about things. I am very upset with the situation that I am in. Obviously, I am the one who is going to have to get us out of it. My husband is looking for another job, but, in the meantime he is talking about going back to school for physical therapy. I know that I am supposed to support my husband in his adventures, but I honestly don't see this happening very well. My husband is not the "sharpest crayon in the box". I am not trying to put him down. I just don't see him doing very well and being happy with his decision.
My other issue is the fact that i would like to at least keep what we have. You know the essentials. The roof over my head, my van and heck, my cell phone is essential too. so is having the Internet at this point. I need that to make some extra cash, and I plan on starting online school myself in the next few weeks.
Anyhow, I get upset knowing that I can' get my children things that they are"wanting" for. Then I happen to look at what they do have and it is all taken for granted. Especially by Nanners. It must be the teen thing, I need to do and get her everything that she requests or she is very foul. Well, this is going to stop. She needs to earn her own things so she will be more responsible with the, she does purchase her own books and makes sure those are well taken care of..now she needs to move on to other things.
so we will be living in a basic house for awhile. Christmas will be small. I want my kids to realize what they have without having much. Wish me luck and give me any idea you may have over the next few weeks. It may help me help my kids come to grips with what they "need" and what they "want".

I know it once again has been awhile. I was going to have a great post this morning..now I am not so sure. My hubby has been laid off since March. It has been real nitty gritty here. so to speak. well things were looking really good as of 2 days ago. My hubby had an interview on Monday and started the job on Tuesday. Yeah!! I was so excited. Nanners was finally in a good mood too! She thought this would finally mean she could get out of the house and do some things. and it did. Unfortunately this excitement only lasted 4 days and 40 hours of work. The hubby called in to work this morning to find out about a car that needed parts and wasn't sure if they had come in yet or not. Well the phone call was a bad one. I guess their former employee who was out because of an injury was not happy that he was replaced and asked for his job back, they gave him his job back and now once again my hubby is with out a job! I am really beginning to lose hope in the world and in anything that we do.
Also this week I was stuck home with 3 sick kids while I was sick myself. Just in case you haven't had this experience...don't. I never want to have this or be with them like that again. I had bronchitis, Nanners had it too, and Mudd princess and so did Fidget!! It was so much fun, especially since I had to let the TV go because I could not pay that bill. Thanks though to our 2 DVD players and the movies we had. We watched a lot of them. All of us are feeling better now though, except little Minnie Me got sick tonight and is running a fever of 103. My poor baby! I am going to go to bed now, because I am sure I will be up with her in a little while taking care of her.
Just want to say thanks for letting me vent tonight!

long time....so sorry!!

I know that it has been awhile..a very long while. I am sorry to say. Maybe I wouldn't be so stressed if I had been blogging the last few months. I am, however, going to use this to vent and maybe see if I can even get some advice or even some tips on how to handle some situations.
My husband, just so you all know I do love him, has been laid off since March. I am a stay at home mom and a child care provider. His being at home has put a lot of rifts in our marriage.
I will just list the issues I am having problems with and if you can help...Please do so...
First, His unemployment was lowered...we are a family of 6.
2) He does not want to go back to work doing what he was doing....with the jobs today, how can one be picky???
3) He feels that he is worth more than a company will pay..even when it is more than unemployment.......Really?
4) He is constantly starting a project and not finishing it.
5) He has no idea about the bills, nor do I think he care....I just bounced a rent check to pay cash to keep my car insurance so it wouldn't cancel!!!
6) He yells at the kids to pick up their stuff all the time, but he always has stuff laying out!!! I won't say what I found on my end table..he is just lucky they were clean.
7) He wants to go to school to learn something new...I am all for that..just finish the application!!!

Sorry, but the last couple months at my house has not been a very good picnic. Ia m not saying that everything is his fault...I will own up to my share as well! I know that I am not home in the evenings very much. I have soccer for Nanners or 4h for her and mudd princess,. Those have been my times to veg and think about the situation at hand. I know that i can be easy on the girls and not follow through with discipline. I know I leave a mess too...(I figure I clean everything anyhow...)
So if anyone has any advice or tips on how to handle these issues...Please..Pleae do not hesitate to help!

Compalaints: I have a few

I know that I have not done this for a while but I think its time I start doing it more. This time is going to be a venting blog. I will update you on my family tomorrow.
First, I have been trying to sell my "Minnie me" clothes on an Internet site for awhile. the first time I guy had wanted them really bad and I sat and went through everything to make sure I had what he wanted. I put them in bags and labeled the bags. No call, no show. I called him the next day and he acted like he didn't even know who I was and then remembered and said he would be out the next day. Once again..no call no show! i called him once more to have his son answer and when he went to give the phone to his dad he told his son to tell me that he wasn't there. OK! these are just clothes. I am not a bill collector. I just wanted to know what more time I had to invest in this. I picked up my mess and put it together int he basement. Now I have someone else doing the same thing. Seriously!! I just need the money and want the room in my basement.!!
Second, EXES!! need I really say more. Mine hasn't paid child support in over a year! The only way i got anything from him was his taxes. Yet he wants me still to run one way anytime the kids want to see him. Honestly..he quit his job because he didn't like it and went to school while the rest of us are struggling to keep a job. He only calls when he wants to. The girls really don't want to have nothing to do with him. They feel guilty and go over there. He wants them to come to all these things he is having but never comes to there stuff because he can't afford to or whatever reason he comes up with. Seriously...if he cared he would be with them and help out somehow. I do it with unemployment and me babysitting.
Third, I really hate negative people! i have been on Prozac for years now and have found that I don't like myself. I have changed my meds and seem to be a better person for it. the problem lies when I am with people who constantly complain about everything. they have nothing nice to say. What really gets me is they talk so the person they are having an issue with can here them but will not talk to that person directly. If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all!!
I have some other gripes too but these are my top 3 at the moment. I do have a big gripe about my husband but even he won't listen to me about that. Why would anyone else?
On this note Have a good Day!

It has been awhile again since I have been on my blog. Maybe I should schedule a day each week and sit down and do it. That might happen better.
I am very confused about my 13 year old right now. Nanners has had a boyfriend. Yes I like him. He goes to a different school and I think that is what was making things difficult. She heard a few things and talked it over with him but decided she wanted to go away for a week and think some things out. Well he thought she broke up with him. So then she got mad at him because of this and did break up with him. She went away for the week. Mind you she isn't so innocent in all this either. She kinda likes someone else too. In this week she had a few friends and even her ex bothering her and really making life miserable. I don't know why a 13 year old boy would tell someone that his life just can't go on with out her. I think that is awful. And it made her feel awful. Needless to say they worked out a few things and decided to remain friends. This is great. Well of course "My space" plays a lot into this as well and I guess he already has a girlfriend by the time she came back. The same girl that nanners had heard something about before. I am so confused, don't know what to tell her. There are days when I am not even sure about my own relationship than to be giving her advice. I want to help. I am not sure HOW to help! I know she still cares very much for him and I know that they still talk. Maybe things will have a way of working out.
the other problem that I seem to be having with Nanners is her grades. she has never done so poorly before. I just don't know what other steps to take. She may have to repeat the 8th grade. She doesn't like me talking about her problems with people but i honestly need to get it off my chest before I burst.
Now i sit back in my chair and laugh hysterically I what I have just wrote. Thinking....pondering....realizing.....I still have 3 more girls to go through this with and it just the beginning!!!!!LOL What fun I have to look forward too. Remind me on mothers Day to tell my mom she is the greatest. I don't know how she did it!! My sister and I were a handful!

Starting over again

Once again my family has to start over from scratch. I am really getting tired of having to do this. I understand we aren't the only people who are trying to survive, it just seems to keep happening at the same time of year. My hubby has lost his job. A job that I didn't think I would have to worry about. Its okay we will survive.

I could try to get a job working on the computer, but I never seem to have the time. Maybe I need to really sit down and make the time. I was writing some articles, I wasn't great, but it was a pretty good gig. Made me feel needed. Well, I blew that opportunity when I just couldn't get to my computer. Maybe I should by my own and not share.

Well, I just don't know where to start.....Nanners is doing good with her foot. she had to have the first cast off because it became to tight and wasn't allowing the swelling to reduce. The second cast was on for another week. Now she is a "walking cast". As she calls it her "sexy boot"! She goes to the doctor next week to figure out the next step. 13 and she isn't gonna make it to 14...no seriously she isn't a bad kid. There is so much worse, but the mouth is just rude!!!
Next, poor miss mudd princess went to get her hair cut like she did the last time. She loved it then. Not so much this time. It was cut a little too short on the sides and now they stick straight out. Lucky for her, her hair does grow fast. She is doing good in school. she has a report she is working on right now. Just signed her up for softball. Hope she can play with her heel.
Fidget was at the ER today. I actually had a good laugh about this one. She stuck a bead up her nose and her daddy could not get it out and took her to the ER. Just to let you know...in case you may need to do this too...they just pinched the one side of her nose and blew into her mouth. Little blue bead came right out!! She is doing good sleeping in her bed too!! She is so smart and just says the darnedest things. (Watch what you say MOM)
Minnie Me took a nice tumble down the stairs the other day. I just missed her and watched her fall down 13 steps. It was horrific!! An image I will never get out of my head. She scared me on the way to the ER. (first name bases by the way) She was just staring into nowhere and then she got sick. They did a head scan and she actually has been fine ever since. Actually caught her standing on the Little Tikes table yesterday. Monkey!!
I am sure those won't be the only trips we make... Maybe boys would have been easier.. NO!!!

Been a long time

It has been a long time since I have been on here. So much has happened and I am just overwhelmed.
First, We took Fidget out of her crib and started having her sleep in her big girl bed. This has been a fun process. We waited to long to do this but we were enjoying sleep. She wasn't climbing out or anything. (unbelievable). So that transition has been rewarding though. she has been doing great at night but not nap. Today was the first day that she actually took a nap in her bed! It took me an hour but I just kept putting her back in there and didn't give up. I never thought the "experts" would actually have advice that worked. IT DID!!
Second, Nanners had to have foot surgery. The process leading up to this has been grooling. she was so upset about it and had her self so worked up it wasn't funny. Yesterday morning it was all done. They had to do more than they thought so she has a purple cast. She wears that for 2 weeks then a boot for 2 weeks. After that she has physical therapy for about a month or so. She was upset because she may not be able to play soccer until the summer.
My hubby and I have not been doing to good either. We argue over everything...stupid things. We can not seem to meet each other half way. Yesterday I was impressed that we agreed on the height of a stand to put the TV. Is that really making progress? It was something. Then he came home and told me he will not have a job after 2 weeks. You know I am really tired of this. I think that they should just shorten the late night hours that they have instead of getting rid of 3 people. There are other solutions for cutting costs. Now what will my family of 6 do? I am also not receiving any child support because that dummy quit his job. Mine is trying to hang on to his. How does that work?
Well, now I am rambling on.......Sorry. I have made one other observation. I don't like myself or who I have become. I am fat, I don't care about myself anymore. I never use to even get the mail with out making myself pretty. Now I run to the store in my lounge pants, sweatshirt, (no bra) and my big Columbia snow boots. I have to get myself together. I just don't know what to start with first. Oh maybe it would be some sleep!

You know, I haven't quite put my finger on it but for some reason every time I pick up something I think 3 other things were put back out. I am not sure why this is.
Here is the deal. I live in a 4 bedroom house. You would think that it would be big enough for a family of 6 right? NOPE! Two bedrooms are just big enough to fit a twin bed, a dresser, and a small desk in it. That is pushing it too. Then we have a nursery size bedroom, and then the master room (which is big). Well when "Minnie" decided to join us we (I) decided that maybe we should move some rooms around. So we put Nanners and Mudd in the master room together. Then we moved Fidget to where Mudd was and then we put Minnie in where Nanners used to be. Are you wondering where I put my room yet? Well we have a dining room and living room on the first floor and we don't use the dining room for that purpose so we eliminated it and put our room where the living room was and living room where the dining room was. Confused yet? Yeah well so I am because this situation did not last long. Nanners and Mudd just DON'T GET ALONG! so sharing a room was just a punishment to me more than anything. So....we moved Minnie into the small nursery room and then put Nanners back into her room. This left Mudd in BIG room all to herself. She really didn't like that idea either. Plus the games and TV were in her room and no one wanted to stay in her room upstairs all the time. So....the arrangements now are as follows. Everybody is back where they started and Minnie is in our room!!!Yeah.
This process has been very difficult to do. As a matter of fact. Nanners and Mudd still have boxes in their rooms like they just moved in. I haven't been able to help then with the holidays. I feel so bad.
This is where my BIG problem comes in. I can't get organized...I just can't. I don't know where to start. I start one room and then the next is a mess...I need HELP! If ANYONE can help me get organized while raising 4 kids, doing daycare, and homeschooling..(oh and writing) please let me know how. My family would appreciate any help offered.